Afraid of Heights

A deluge of tears stream down my face

and all of a sudden, nothing matters.

I’ve been hurt before, I’ll be battered again,

this isn’t a new thing, it’s something I’m used to

by others before, and now by you

My heart doesn’t feel mutilated

but can I even feel it anymore

after so much torment

and you say I’ve been through so much

and yet you still drive me to the edge

but just grasp onto my hair as you pull me back

whispering to me about how exceptional you are

knowing you kept me from oblivion

but you also  keep the essence out of my soul

and you smile, complacent as always

that I’m with you, that you have a best friend

a companion that you vilify

admonish me for all your apprehensions

do you even know how to speak to me anymore

I appeal for your forgiveness if I hurt you

and here you are, imprisoning me to the very fringe of this cliff

but the comprehension goes through my head, how much would it hurt

to first feel the wind caress me as I soar,

my heart finally liberated of your crush

but you won’t let me slip over, you hold me back

just enough to please you, not to make me happy,

keep yourself content while I envisage flying away

and if time was relative would it hurt if I fell

let gravity pull and an angel take me to the boundary of heaven,

released and at ease, nothing to garrote me anymore.

Blood effervescing out of my throat,

my body taut and fragmented,

torment not emotional but physical now,

it hurts less than our years together.

Amazing Rain painting by Maxine Price

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