When I thought of life is this what I imagined
I wanted to be a doctor, a scientist, not stuck without a friend
my goals were so farfetched maybe they would have never come
but at least more than this, a reason to live, some
thing to keep me going, maybe someone. Day in and day out
nobody even understands what I’m upset about.
two parts of me at war, one content and fine
the other pissed that I had to change to suit you, should have been a sign.
I threw out all of my old shoes, the ones with the huge heels
you didn’t like the gothic look, so no tattoos even though we didn’t compromise or deal.
It was just all me changing to make you happy
to try to get you to love me, and now that you do, I can really see
that maybe this is all a farce, I haven’t ever been myself
but what do I do now, for so long my feelings have been on a shelf.
So now you’re surprised I want to bust out and yell
after all this time you think my old self fell
but she was just hidden away from you and from me too
but now she’s pissed and wants answers, she wants life anew.
So how do I make myself one again
with all this pain in my past, she was my savior but also my sin
but I miss her strength, the passion and fearlessness
my perfect soul is still broken, so amiss
and yet still I find I want your love, your acceptance
but what will it take for you to understand her vengeance
holding a grudge, for many years of reasons
she was before my only beacon
and taken her from me, you nearly did, but I allowed it for so long,
but with me is where she belongs.
Soon I will learn how to make two halves, whole
and we will be beyond your control.